Backward Memories
by MontegoBabe
Summary: Sometimes memories are a lot harder to remember than we think. And hearing the stories from other people is not as effective as seeing some of things that were left behind.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a one shot but I'm doing it slowly in multiple installments. It's something that has been in my head for a while now and I would like to get it out so it can leave me the hell alone. It's not perfect but I'm trying my best and I do hope it pleases you. **

**Montego**

Did you ever have one of those dreams that you can't believe, no matter how real it feels? A dream that defies all your previous logic? A dream that feels like a dream but you're constantly told otherwise. Well, I have—except it wasn't a dream at all. It was real life. My life.

**_October 31__st_**

Right now I was sitting in my latest car--a Ford Explorer that was a few years old with a couple dings in it but it ran pretty well. I had the steering wheel still in my grip but I had stopped the car about an hour ago. I could see lights on in the house, the shadows of people dancing by the windows and the ghoulish music that floated out. There were trick-a-treaters walking by here and there thinning out since it was almost nine.

I don't know how I ended up here in this place in my life. Two years had gone by and I only had a vague recollection of them. It was unnerving to have that much time gone from my memories. I looked at Lula and Tank's house where the Halloween party was still going full blast. They expected me to be here and I should be going in but I couldn't get myself out of the car.

I saw the door open and a person was illuminated by the inside lights. The walk was familiar though I couldn't see the face just yet as they walked down the driveway. As the figure walked closer I smiled. Tank stopped by the hood of the car and raised an eyebrow at me. Silently asking why I wasn't in there having fun. I shrugged my shoulders and made to get out finally.

"About time. Lula's been asking for you." He eyed my costume and shook his head.

"I didn't have the normal time I needed to get a kick-ass costume," I told him. I kicked the door close and shoved the car keys in my pocket.

I had borrowed an old uniform from Robin down at the station and came dressed as a police officer. It wasn't very imaginative and not even a little bit sexy but it had been the only thing I could come up with. I had made the pants a little more form fitting and added a pair of heeled boots but it hadn't done much. I had hair sprayed my hair right out of the shower and shoved it under the hat arranging what fell out a little more carefully.

"Besides look at your costume." He grinned at me and headed back inside. I followed him silently laughing at his caveman costume. I could only imagine what Lula's would look like. No doubt she would have them in one of those couple costumes.

As soon as I walked through the door the music blasted in my ears and there was a good amount of people there. I said quick hellos to the Rangeman crew that was there and made my way over to Lula and Connie.

Lula was dressed as a cave woman, fur boots and all. Connie was dressed normally, tight shirt and skin tight pants with heels.

"Vinnie didn't let me off till late and I was too lazy to do the Jersey thing," she told me.

"About time you made it white girl. And what the hell kind of costume is that? What are you Virgin Mary?" Before I knew it she had unsnapped the top three buttons of the shirt and shook my hair out of its confinement. "There that's a little better."

Rather than argue I just placed the hat back on my mussed up hair.

"I didn't have time to get a better costume. It's been a crazy time lately." With that statement they both quieted and no one knew what to say.

I heard loud cheering and all three of us turned to see what the commotion was. A couple of the Rangeman guys had made a circle and were chanting "chug! Chug! Chug!"

"You can beat 'em Tank baby!" Lula shouted while making her way through the circle. Pushing whoever wouldn't move out of her way.

More cheers erupted and I'm pretty sure it was Lester who shouted "Holy shit you beat the boss man!"

I smiled at their antics and moved to get something to drink near the window. I had the cup in my hand and was swirling around the alcohol when a voice scared me.

"Isn't that how the whole thing started?" was asked.

I looked at Ranger, laughing softly at his choice of costume. A security guard. I guess he either was one tonight or he just wanted to wear his gun in plain sight.

Answering his question I looked at him and honestly told him, "I wouldn't know."

_**The month before—September 15th **_

I had woken up in a white room and the annoying beeping made it clear that I was in a hospital room. I groaned and tried to sit up regretting the motion when my head began to pound and the aches in my chest to come rushing at me all at once.

"Stay still, the pain will pass," a voice said from the side of me. I heard some rustling and clinking before a glass of water with a straw in it was presented in front of me.

I drank gratefully and said thanks. The nurse smiled at me and put the glass back on the table.

"I'll go tell the doctor you're awake. Everyone's missed you." With that she backed out of the room and closed the door.

There was a window to my right the door on my left and inside my room there were a dozen vases, cards strewn about and various balloons. All of them saying "Get Well Soon."

Slowly I stretched out my arm and grabbed the nearest card.

_Here's to my friend wishing you to get well soon. _Then in Mary Lou's perfect scrawl were the words: _When you're better I promise to take you to any place you want to go. I miss my best friend, wake up soon. –Mare. _

I dropped the card on my lap and grabbed the next closest one.

_In this time of need, I pray for you, my daughter. You can have all the pineapple-upside down cake you want but please wake up baby. –mom_

Too shocked to read any others I focused on the door waiting for some kind of human life to appear. A few minutes later a doctor in a white lab coat and holding a chart came in. He didn't say anything to me at first just telling me to stretch my limbs and asking me how I felt.

I cleared my throat. "What happened?"

"I'll let your family tell that to you. They've been waiting for you to wake-up for almost three weeks. We almost lost hope." He smiled down at me and connected the chart to the edge of the bed. He left the room and not even a minute later my room was loud with crying and whispers and shuffling about of people.

My mom had draped herself around me thanking the gods I had woken up and then admonishing me all at once. When she pulled back I got a good look at her and the other occupants of the room. She swiped at that tears across her cheek and sat down looking drained. My dad was on the other side of my mom and ruffled my hair.

"Good to see your eyes open." And if I wasn't mistaken a tear had made its way down his cheek. Valerie squeezed my hand not bothering to hide her tears. Grandma was by the foot of my bed grinning down at me. Her grin seeming to say: I knew you wouldn't stay down forever.

Then almost out of my line of vision was Joe leaning against the wall. He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts and came—slowly—closer to me.

"Glad you're awake, cupcake." Then hesitantly he kissed the top of my forehead and left the room.

"What happened? Why am I here?"

"You did it again that's what! It was a pip of a story too! A skip came by and before you know it KABOOM! The car was gone and you were here!"

"What skip," I asked. "I don't remember any of this." I tried to think back but all I hit was blank wall. My head started to hurt. "I don't remember," I told them. "I don't remember."

"Well, the doctor did say you might experience temporary amnesia. It will all come back to you sweetheart." My mom patted my shoulder. Somehow that didn't comfort me.

"Come on, my granddaughters can't be at the babysitter's all day. And I think there are a few more people that want to see you Stephanie. We'll be back tomorrow and as soon as the doctor releases you we'll have a nice family dinner and that talk you wanted to have with me." My mom ushered all of them out of room after their goodbyes and I was left confused waiting for the others.

Lula came in putting the sun to shame in her bright yellow get-up. But that's not what surprised me the most, it was the fact that she was connected by hand to Tank. A diamond ring on her left hand.

She shrieked and crushed me in a hug. "Don't ever scare me like that white girl! I almost had me a heart attack!"

"I'm sorry," I told her, "I don't even know what happened. I can't seem to remember anything and I sure as hell don't remember you and Tank getting engaged!"

They looked at each other then Lula felt my forehead. "We're not engaged," she said. I gave her a yeah right look. "We're married. Have been for a year. You feeling alright?"

I looked at them trying to discern if she was pulling my leg or not. Tank nodded to reassure me and I closed my eyes.

"I don't remember that," I whispered. I looked up at them and then at my hands, "I don't remember that! Why can't I remember anything!"

"Temporary amnesia," Tank said. "It'll go away."

The door opened again and Mary Lou and Connie stepped in. Mary Lou broke out into sobs and held me tight while she said all sorts of promises and other things I couldn't focus on.

Connie hugged me briefly then smiled saying, "Vinnie's been catching a fit since none of the filing has been getting done while you were here."

"You two were that worried about me. You should know better than to skip out on your work," I laughed a little feeling a some-what better.

"Uh..Steph you do the filing. Remember? You and Lula switched jobs…" Connie looked at me like I was slightly left of center field and I tried to think why I would do such a thing.

"I wouldn't. I mean it wasn't the best job in the world but I wouldn't give it up. Why would I do that?"

They exchanged looks with each other and Mare sat on the chair next to my bed. She took my hand in hers.

"What's the last thing you do remember?"

I closed my eyes tightly trying to get myself to recall some things. Trying to remember the last thing I did. Then it hit me.

I opened my eyes smiling that I remembered something.

"I remember going to the bonds office after I picked up some Boston Crèmes, I remember that because Lula asked if I could get her some with sprinkles. I went in to the office but there weren't any skips and then," I paused wondering if what I said next was what caused me to end up in the hospital.

"Then we planned a girl's night out. We went to Atlantic city and we gambled," I laughed. "I won twenty bucks on the nickels machine and got a teddy bear that had bunny ears on it. I said it was to remember the trip. Then we all signed it." I shook my head. "How drunk did you let me get?"

When I looked up to meet their faces none of them were laughing or even remotely close to smiling. "Did I say something wrong?" Their gazes jumped from one another not knowing who should tell me what they knew.

"Just tell me," I bit out, curiosity getting to me.

Finally Connie blew out a breath and told me. "That was over two years ago."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I know the time between the first two scenes were short but it's suppose to be like a rush of things all at once. **

_PREVIOUSLY: Finally Connie blew out a breath and told me. "That was over two years ago."_

My mouth dropped and my eyes darted around the room, not willing to believe such a thing. Their faces were anything but joking and I knew what they said was true.

"What else has happened that I don't know. That I don't remember?"

"Steph, I'm going to call the doctor and maybe he can explain some things to you. As for the other stuff," Mare hesistated, "well, it wouldn't be our place to tell you."

Too stunned to tell her otherwise I just nodded to her and blew out a breath. Tomorrow though I wanted to know everything!

They hugged me on their way out saying their goodbyes. Tank saluted me with a mock smile but at my confused stare he brought his hand down quickly and left the room shaking his head.

I smoothed out the wrinkles of the bed waiting for the doctor or a nurse to come in. The door opened after I fluffed my pillows to a more comfortable sitting position. I looked towards the door expecting to see the doctor when Ranger came in and shut the door quietly.

"Yo," I told him.

He let a ghost of a smile grace his lips before responding, "Yo yourself." He sat on the chair by my bed and grabbed my hand much like Mare did. He kissed the top of it before letting it go. "Everyone's been on pins and needles waiting for you to wake-up."

I blew out a breath. "I know. And to top it all off I don't know how I got here and the last thing I remember is going to Atlantic City which I'm told was two years ago!" It was so frustrating I wanted to pull my hair out.

"Temporary memory loss, it'll come back." He told me. And you know, I wanted to believe him.

"Can you tell me how I ended up here and what I've missed?"

"I can tell you what happened but the rest you need to find out on your own."

"Fine, tell me what you can." At least I was getting something out of this.

He leaned forward in the chair and began to talk. Softly.

"You were doing the filing for the office. Connie had already left and Vinnie had the day off for his," he paused, "indiscretions. Lula came bursting in the office because some crazy skip was following her for kicks. Tank and I were following Lula trying to help her detain the crazy fool. We turned the corner just in time see you and Lula run outside. The skip jumped the curb and was gunning straight for you two. What happened next is unknown to me and Tank. The next thing we knew the car had rammed into Lula's firebird, both cars were on fire. The skip came walking out before collapsing on the street. Lula came from seemingly nowhere screaming at him and handcuffing him. We didn't know where you were until too late."

I didn't want hear the next part. It was like I was hearing a story from someone else's life. My stomach became fluttery and my heart beat increased.

"It wasn't known till later that Lula had a couple bottles of nail polish remover in the back seat. The car exploded and we heard Lula scream your name. Tank and I were already out of the car." He stopped speaking and looked away from my eyes.

"You were slumped against the concrete, the door to Lula's Firebird covering your torso." He looked back up and shook his head. "And then you were here and have been for the last couple of weeks."

"Lula didn't say anything about this, neither did Tank." I told him.

"Lula won't talk about it, she feels it was her fault. She said you saved her, that this could have been her. We tried telling her it wasn't her fault but she wouldn't listen. It's not that she doesn't care. It's that she cares too much."

A flash of color jumped before my eyes. A memory.

_I was looking at the burning firebird and I turned to Lula. "Better move before it blows up,"_ _I joked to her._

I focused my eyes back on Ranger. "I told her to move. I was joking. About it blowing up."

He raised his eyebrow silently asking if I remembered anymore. "I…don't remember anything else."

The door to my room opened again and the doctor stepped in. He was carrying a plastic bag and an irritating smile.

"I was told you were having some problems remembering…" I nodded my head yes and he marked some things on my chart.

"What do you remember?" I told him what I did remember about Atlantic city. "Do you remember your parents name? Your sister? Pets you had while you were little?" I answered yes to all of them and told him. He looked to Ranger for confirmation.

"The symptoms fall under Retrograde Amnesia. An amnesia that concerns your past but not the present. And as odd as this may seem it effects your current past. For example, the two years you seem to be missing." He scratched some more things on the chart before putting it down. "Things will jog your memory from time to time. I don't think this will be a permanent situation and slowly it should come back to you. Tomorrow you'll do a few more tests to see when you can be released. I have one more thing for you though." He came around to the other side of my bed and handed me a plastic bag.

"It's your personal belongings from when you were brought in. See if anything jogs your memory."

I took the bag from him and slowly opened it. There were a pair of cut jeans and a split open t-shirt. Nothing new there. My purse was in there and I took that out knowing it would contain something of value.

I emptied the contents out on my bed placing the plastic bag and my purse aside. I pushed away the normal things: mascara, Midol, mints, cell phone, pens, and other tidbits. I came across old receipts and tossed them aside. I came across my wallet and looked through it. I bypassed my license and credit cards, some dollars and a picture. I pulled the picture out and it showed Morelli and me in Atlantic City.

"I don't remember this. Did I go again with him?" I looked at Ranger hoping he would have the answer. He paused before shaking his head no. "What do you mean no, I don't remember going with him so obviously after I went with the girls I went with—it was the same time wasn't it?" He nodded his head.

I squinted my eyes at the picture trying to remember when and why he would come on a girl's night. Nothing came to me and I put the picture back. Nothing else brought any memories and I put it all back in my purse. "I'm sorry," I told the doctor, "I'm not remembering anything else."

He handed the plastic bag back to me, "There's more, keep looking." He folded his arms and continued to watch me. I pulled out two little bags. I opened the first one and dog tags came rushing out. I turned it around in my hand. One side had Tank and the other side had Pierre, and date of birth. Why the hell did I have Tank's dog tags?

A flash appeared behind my eyes. _Tank reached behind his neck and lifted his dog tags off his neck. He placed them in my hands and folded my fingers over them. _

"Why do I have this," I asked Ranger. He smiled but I could tell he was laughing inside.

"Not my story to tell, babe." Instantly I bristled.

"Oh god, I'm not having an affair with Tank am I?! Lula'd kill me!"

Ranger threw his head back and started laughing. "No, you're not," he told me once he regained control again. I blew out a breath thankful for that information. I put the dog tags back in the bag and moved onto the next one. I'd have to talk to Tank Llater about that.

A ring fell out into my palm. A diamond ring. A wedding ring. A flood of images betrayed my mind and snapped inside of me like a rush of movie clips.

"_I think you've had too much to drink," Joe told me. He had one of my arms draped across his shoulders while he pressed the button multiple times for the elevator. _

"_It's girls night out!" I cheered, lifting my bottle high in the air and laughing when some of it sloshed out. _

"_Something blue and something old, here's to Steph marrying you!"Mare shouted. She threw a couple roses in the air and stumbled against Connie who was laughing her ass off. Lula was already on the floor._

_I crawled across the sleeping form of Joe and flopped down on him making him come awake with an 'oof' sound. "What the hell did you do to me?"_

"Did you have any luck remembering anything Mrs. Morelli?"

White spots flashed across my eyes and my heart raced. I dropped the ring on the blanket and clutched my chest trying to et myself to breath regularly.

White moved on the side of me and I heard rather than saw the doctor run to the door and call out. "I need two nurses in here stat!"

I felt Ranger lay me down. "Try to breathe normally." The more he told me that the more I started to freak out. I clutched onto his arm trying to beg with my eyes that I needed him to help me.

A nurse placed a mask over my face and I tried to rip it off. My hands were held to my side and I started to fight against the grip. All I could see was white and I wanted to scream but could hardly get the air through my mouth. The mask was forced down over my mouth and I felt a needle enter my arm.

I felt tears leak down my cheeks and I opened my mouth to scream but only managed a gasp before I was pulled into unconsciousness, Ranger's concerned gaze the last thing I saw.

_"Get the door off of her! Help me lift!" I felt the car door lift off my torso and I groaned at the pain that shot through my head. "Talk to me, Babe. Are you okay? The ambulances are coming." _

_Ranger, Tank, and a crying Lula fluttered through my vision. Trying to concentrate on them made me dizzy so I closed my eyes. _

_"Don't you dare close your eyes on me! If you don't open them back up I swear I'll--"_


End file.
